Anatomy of a Rejection Letter

I am sorry, but the department will not be able to nominate you for summer funding.

This is your third denial for a departmental fellowship. Seriously, stop asking!

The work is, as you know, completely supportable.

I’m required to say this because we all know you grad students take EVERYTHING seriously. So, you know, it’s not you, it’s us, whatever you’re working is fine, or it’s not, I don’t actually know or care.

It’s just that you are far enough out that we don’t think you’ll be competitive given the strength of candidates, who are earlier along, who are looking for pre-diss. funding.

I’m just making shit up now, hopefully you stopped reading at “I am sorry” because I’m barely paying attention. You’re not “competitive because you’re too far along” makes sense, because I said it. I’m the Director of Graduate Studies. 

I am sorry and hope this doesn’t derail you in any way. 

You can’t use this as an excuse to not meet your deadlines. Also, please don’t kill yourself, I have enough on my plate as it is because I’m DGS. Also, please send me your recent chapter so I can forget to read it for our next meeting.